+1 fun

[flurry_of_beaus]

INBOX text / audio / video / action I feel bad. I've treated people like shit my whole life. And . . . I don't know. Having one transformative moment doesn't mean that you're immediately going to be a different person overnight and being better is something you have to work at, I guess. art credit code credit

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truth meme | tim drake

[flurry_of_beaus]

(( continued from here ))

I could have or should have done something to help her. I wasn't 12. I could have at least tried to break her out. I could have argued with my father more. I could have done a lot of things.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Perhaps you made a mistake, adults are capable of them as well. I don't know all the circumstances but you have obviously seen that it was a mistake. It still does not establish any pattern of behaviour that can't be changed. Have you avoided getting another girlfriend since then?

How likely would you be to do something differently if a similar situation presented itself?

[flurry_of_beaus]

I mean, it hasn't exactly happened. I know two girls, but neither of them could be my girlfriend because I travel too much. It wouldn't be fair.

But there's someone here and I've definitely been avoiding them and fuck these things that make me tell the truth.

I would definitely do something differently. Probably something stupid.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

Look, you're already regretting a moment in your past because of something you didn't do. So maybe go see this person you're avoiding and do something stupid?

It might not go perfectly but you can at least say you tried something

[flurry_of_beaus]

She doesn't feel that way about me and even if she did, trying something is what gets me in trouble half the time. Maybe even most of the time. I can't risk losing her friendship just because I'm selfish and want more.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

You've talked with her about this before then?

[flurry_of_beaus]

No. I would never.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

How do you know she doesn't feel that way about you then?

[flurry_of_beaus]

Because APPARENTLY it's pretty obvious that I feel something for her and she hasn't said anything

and the one time she did say she cared about me as more than just a friend, she was lying to get that sickness stuff to go away.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

You'd be surprised how oblivious people can be about these things and who says she has to say anything? Maybe she's waiting for you.

Although she might just be more than a little cruel if she did that.

What sickness are you referring to?

[flurry_of_beaus]

doubtful. she doesn't wait for anyone.

in a good way. that comes out wrong.

the one where i was CRAZY possessive and feverish and shit.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

I understood, it wouldn't be in her personality not to say something if she knew. Which sort of implies that she doesn't know?

Oh. That may explain something that I had presumed was just a general sickness.

[flurry_of_beaus]

Yeah, that's what I thought. But a friend says it's obvious and... well, he's really perceptive but still. OBVIOUS was the word.

Yeah, I thought I was just sick too but looking back on it I was... way out of line.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

As I said, somethings are very obvious when it doesn't involve yourself. People can be very blind sometimes. Have you not had someone who didn't notice something right under their nose?

And you said you got better because she told you she loved you?

[flurry_of_beaus]

Well yeah, but not--

[ Not one of the Nein? That's a laugh riot. ]

OK, I see what you mean.

And yeah, that seemed to be the kicker. It couldn't be though, right? It's just that I've scoured my brain for a cause and effect and that's the only thing with any correlation.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

So I guess, it's less about whether she knows or not and whether you're going to make sure she does. Do something or nothing in this case?

It's Duplicity. There's little that I would dismiss outright. I would have to ask others who developed this sickness.

[flurry_of_beaus]

Right.

Nothing.

Stay out of it and see how things go, then figure out your plan.

[permanentlyexhaustedbird]

It's your call, no one can make you do anything.

[flurry_of_beaus]

Yeah, that's what I'm going with. Thanks for the pep talk.